Loneliness

Writing a book is a long term project. I have been immensely lucky in my life as I rarely have experienced the kinds of loneliness I see in others and have heard about. I have gone through periods of loneliness, but nothing long term. I genuinely enjoy what I do, have never felt the need to justify or explain what I do, but I am aware that surrounding me, especially in the west, is what one might call an epidemic of loneliness. It is deeply concerning. I think its connected to work/life balance. A job is not for life. It can take you away from real life.

Work is fundamental to mental physical and spiritual health. Work is not a job. A job pays, that is all. It has no meaning beyond the monetary. Sometimes of course a job is work and is fulfilling. Not very often though. A project, a long term job coming from ones own creativity, may or may not pay. it differs from a job as it is a real investment and usually has personal meaning. A personal meaning in what one chooses to do creates real rather than imaginary or monetary connections and immediately eliminates loneliness. That being the case it may cost a lot to do what one loves to do, sometimes in terms of money and with money, relationships. Don’t worry, the friends you’ll make while working the project are ones that last. I think anyone who is embarking on a long term project of any kind knows in advance, at least intuitively, the inherent problems involved in it. People are going to say you are crazy. I gave up a lifelong pensionable government job to write. You can imagine the reaction from others. The first and most important questions needed to ask oneself are the following:

1. What is my plan? To not have a plan is disastrous. The project will fail without a plan. Stop now or make a plan. Then check your plan for flaws. Talk to a trusted person about your plan. Listen to what they say.
2. How long will this take? A project should not take an indefinite period. Projects tend to fill up available time slots. Have a schedule. Stick to it. Also keep active so as to deal with stress and maintain health. Sleep and eat properly and avoid toxic situations.
3. Do I have a support structure? The lone wolf, that perennial symbol of rugged individualism, dies in winter. Always. Cut from the herd, with an insecure food supply, lack of shelter and contact, other predators, inflammation and hunger will get him. Don’t kid yourself you can do it alone. Humans are fragile organisms with large brains. Things will go wrong. You may have to start again. You will make mistakes, and mistakes are huge learning experiences and feed success. During the last project I have been working on the last few years, I have had two bereavements and the end of a relationship. Without a loving caring support structure, I would have been lost. We need food, shelter, love. Any project takes time, planning and humility. Don’t be cool. Be wise.
4. Is the project worth it? Many have a good plan, a good support structure and an awareness of how long any given project might take, but most projects fail when those involved fail to honestly answer the question regarding a cost benefit analysis around the project itself. As a result of not taking into account just how difficult and challenging working on any given project might be, how difficult it is to explain to others, just what it is that one is doing, and more to the point as to why one is doing this thing, the periods of loneliness necessary to do the hard graft will defeat you. 40The project must come from the heart. If not, it will fail.

Ikigai is a Japanese concept meaning “a reason for living” or “a reason to get up in the morning,” encompassing both the sources of meaning in life and the feeling of fulfillment they bring. The two words that Ikigai come from Japanese ideograms meaning ‘worth’ and ‘living’. That’s a very loose translation of an incredibly complex poetic language, however having a sense of the worth of living and a meaning to live is the opposite of loneliness or disconnection. It brings one into the heart of society, of connection with others, because the connections made come from the heart. The experience of loneliness has a time distortion factor wrapped into it. Even a short period of loneliness feels like forever. finding Ikiagi is finding a connection, which is finding oneself in the wilderness of mirrors that is life today.